Su's first full fiction essay - I killed her

“Hey X! Do you want to play some soccer?” one boy from the group of six to nine years old boys shouted. 

“Just a second, I will be there right away!” I shouted back, and then continue talking to the girl; both of us were sitting on the endless green grass field, far from everyone else in the park: “Wow, did I tell you that you have the most beautiful eyes in the world, Y?”

“Oh geeze! Stop it, X…but, thank you” Y answered softly. Her cheeks blush when she says so, turning into the color of cherries, standing out from the smooth white of her body. She looked like a little angel with her long blond hair that could be mistaken with strands of gold under the bright sunshine. She was the cutest girl in the world, or at least that was what I thought. “Ha ha! No, I’m not joking! Ok, I have to go play some soccer with my friends, see you later”, I said, and I stood up, did not forget to dust my pants.

       

“See ya!” Y smiled and waved goodbye.

While I was running towards my friends, the face and voice of Y was still stuck in my head. I like her. I really do. She was the third person I love most, after my parents. We did everything together, whether it was eating ice-cream, flying kites or riding the bicycles. We usually spend most of the weekends hanging out at each other’s house or at the park.

My life could not be happier and more joyful. Although my family sometimes had to skip lunch or breakfast because we could not afford it, I never felt pity for myself and my parents. That was because they always loved me so much. Every day, from when I come back from school to bedtime, I am busy learning new things with dad or playing with mom when dad goes to work. 

At night, when we all sit around the old, greasy table, I would share with them the happy and sad things at school or around the village. The funny thing was that occasionally the entire village will be blacked out, and we were so familiar with this that we would continue talking and eating in the dark.

“Hi Mr Tillman! How are you today?” I said

“Good morning ‘sir’! I am doing pretty well thank you!”

Every day while skipping to school I would say hi to other villagers. They were so nice that they would greet me with the sweetest smiles and wish me a good day. Every day I was overwhelmed with joy and happiness. What more could an eight-year-old boy ask for? 

Maybe I spoke too soon…

It was a Sunday in the middle of fall on which our village held a soccer tournament for all the kids, and my team won! I rushed through the wooden door full of termite holes, carelessly flung my shoes in two different directions and even forgot to take my only jacket off. “Mom! Dad! Guess how many goals I scored today in the soccer game!” I shouted loud.

Mom stopped the cooking she was doing, and dad paused from chopping woods, both walked towards me. And that was what I liked being the only son. All the attentions are for me and me only.

“I don’t know dear. Surprise me!” Mom answered with a sweet voice while bending down to match my height.

“Five!” I said, opening up my palm like a blooming flower to demonstrate.

In a split of a second, I felt like a surge of electricity ran from my body through my palm. The next thing I knew was my mom sent flying across the house as if she was pushed by a very strong force. Her head was smashed to the wall; she could only let out a small cry before falling to the ground, immobilized, like a grouse that have been shot by the hunter. My father and I, stared at each other in horror for a while before we could call the ambulance…

“Mom! Mom! Do you recognize me? Please answer me! Mom!” I cried out loud.  

Everyone in the hospital’s room turned around and stared at me. But at that moment I could not care less. After the tragedy, the doctors saved my mom’s life, but no one could save her soul. She just sit on the bed, her back propped up by a pillow; she gazed absentmindedly at the white hospital walls as if it was the most  mesmerizing thing in the world, as if she was pondering about their family’s spending like she usually does, but this time for eternity. 

I glanced at my father, just to see that he was not much better. The man that I was looking at seemed much older than usual, with eyes stained by sleeplessness and exhaustion. His wrinkles were more vivid than ever, squeezed together. I had not talked to his dad since the accident, and so, in fear of dad becoming like mom if he look at her too much, I used all his courage to let out a softer-than-whispering voice: “Dad… I’m so sorry”

“Go… away…” His voice was soft, but there was something about it that made me shiver. “I said go away! Are you deaf? Get out of my sight you monster!”

I rushed through the old hallway, down the rusty, squeaky stair and banged the main door open wide. Although my mind was blank and all the surroundings were becoming blurry to my eyes, I could still depict the village mob, already waiting for him in front of the hospital. 

The women were soothing their children, who cried and seek protection from their mother when they caught the sight of me. 

They acted as if they will die instantly or at least have fatal diseases if my eyes met theirs. The men, on the other hand, were hostile and angry. They threw at me the rocks they have prepared or, if not, anything they could get their hands on. 

They did anything…

“…to kill you, monster! Bastards that harmed even his close family, bastards that represent devil like you must be eradicated from this world so that innocent people can rest safely!” And they sprinted towards me.

I first tried to run, but the idea of killing my own mother sickened my heart and glued my feet. They were right. And so I just stood there, allowing them to do whatever they want…

I was lucky enough to survive the kicking, hitting, stepping, punching of the angry mob. However, the heavy injuries were inevitable. Taking a look of my body, I let out an embittered laugh. I was like a Dalmatian with spots of purple and black bruises so stand out from my skin that any strangers who walked by could not resist but gasp in aghast. I used all the vitality he had left to crawl slowly into an abandoned stable, each inches I succeeded in moving are painfully recognized by my broken leg. 

By the time a heavy rain began to pour down, I had managed to secure a small spot in the stable. Curling myself up, I began to shiver. My eyes became wet again, smudging his vision of his own hands as he stared at them. “My own two hands, very tiny and soft as they are, have taken away the life of my mom! What have I done? What have I done?” It was as if he could see blood all over his palms. 

The blood seems fresh, and warm, having a scent that he had long adored since he was born. Letting out a loud groan, I clenched my fist and punched toward the ground, with the attempt of destroying this means of devil. Not a little pain did I feel; and when I looked back, there was a hole in the ground. In direst despair, I cried myself to sleep.

In my dream, I could see the village mob again. There were people whom I had a lot of beautiful memories with. Just a few days before the incident we were dancing around the bonfire in the village’s crop harvesting festival, or playing soccer, or talking with each other for hours. 

I recalled that Mr. Tillman was one of the mobs too, with his teeth clenched and his eyes full of hatred. Suddenly the surroundings became distorted, and people in the mob had their fingers and toes changed into claws and paws. Their usual commotion deformed into a mix of devilish laughter.

“X! Wake up! Wake up! It’s me, Y!”

I opened my eyes slowly, still affected by the sleepiness. It was about noon and the bright sunlight blinded my eyes.  Before I could yawn, the sight of Y made me startle. I tried to run away, but the absurd pain I felt reminded me of my injuries. So I crawled away from Y using my arms and elbows while fixing an eye on Y. She was as beautiful as always, despite the frown and worrying expression on her face.

“How…How did you find me?” I asked

“I… I don’t know. I was searching for you and coincidentally found you here”

“Thank god you are here! But, don’t you afraid of me? I’m a monster…remember?”

“No, not at all… How can I be afraid of you? You, you are my best friend!” She answered, her angelic voice, like a magical elixir, elevated my soul. 

I used all my strength to approach her and gave her a hug. Her warm body transferred heat to my wet, cold and shivering one. Her aroma was light but sweet and pleasant, coming from her sunshine hair. I could feel all my strong emotions, all the loneliness that I felt, all the love and caring that I so desired after days of solitude burst out like devastating tidal waves. And that was the first time I knew how crying feels like. I wept so much that the shoulder part of her dress was wet with tears.

“It’s ok X, you will be fine. Everything is going to be fine”

“Thank you! Thank you so much, I mumbled while sniffling, “You know, only you care about me. Even my parents abandoned me, and everyone else hated me! I thought no one is gonna like me anymore. You make me feel accepted and normal.”

This time Y did not say anything. Maybe she was crying too. The thought of having a friend to share direst moments like this made me feel ecstatic. The pleasant feeling, however, was disrupted by the sight of a man from afar when I opened my eyes. It was Mr. Douglas, my teacher at the village’s school. I could not be mistaken, since I was too familiar with the six feet tall stature with fiery orange hair and a thick beard. I just had time to let go of Y quickly before he saw and recognized me easily.

“He is here! He is here!” Mr. Douglas shouted. His cry was like a howl of an angry beast. He ran back to the village’s direction, leaving me stunned by horror.

My mind was frozen with terrifying thoughts about what the villagers would do to me if they caught me. They would torture me, and would certainly kill me when they are satisfied. All I wanted was to lead a normal, happy life. But at that moment that simple dream sounded impossible, that I would have to suffer for the rest of my short life under the reputation of a monster. Suddenly, the warming touch of Y’s hand repelled all these negative emotions and brought me back to reality.

“ Come in here, you will be safe” She whispered to my ear while pulling my hand towards an empty bunker nearby.

“But, what about-“

“I will find a way to trick them, don’t worry! Hide!” Y said, rushing every word.

Y was like the only glow of hope I had at that time. “I could never return this favor,” I thought, and crawled into the bunker. It was cold and wet inside. But nothing could stop me from dreaming about the things I would do after the villagers had left. I would go far far away from this land, where people are cruel and mad. I would try hard to earn a living and when I have had a stable job I will invite Y to –

“I will have to turn you in to them” Y’s voice, as angelic and resonate as it always was, permeated through the thick metal door of the bunker, echoing in my ears.

“What? What are you talking about?” I thought she was talking to somebody else, not me.

“I had no choice. I am so sorry X” Y continued, her voice were trembling.

Later, I discovered that she was forced by one of the villagers to say those words to me. It was against her will. They said that if she didn’t, they would blame her parents for “protecting the monster” and put them in prison, just like how they forced her to trick me. But at that moment, my heart shattered to pieces. I could not believe that the one I trusted most in the darkest moment of my life would betray me.

“You know, X. I never liked you”

“…”

“I was scared when I knew you are a cursed monster. I was scared to come near to you. Maybe I will get killed. But that is the only way you can be captured without harming anyone. That was the safest way for all of us.”

I could not take it anymore. I felt betrayed, disgusted, raged, terrified… all of that at once made my head felt like someone was using an axe to chop on it, with the tremendous force that they used to chop wood.

I aimed my palm at the door, and it fragmented to pieces under my unusual power. Charging out, the first thing I did was looking for the traitor among the now frightened, chaotic villagers who were trying to get away. I was like a mad beast, couldn’t control my actions…

Here I stand, looking at the remnants of my village, of the devastating damage I had done. Twelve years had passed, and I still remembered vividly the face of Y when she looked at me, with tears all over her face, trying to explain and prayed for my forgiveness. If she were here, I can tell her about my life over the past years, how I struggled to survived, how I realized the hard way that this world is no good and full of superficiality. But she is not here. I killed her.