A Lie That Stupefies

(A Research Paper of US History course done by Su in Pomfret.)

Humans have an inclination to overgeneralize and oversimplify. This psychological tendency is the root of many significant problems in the world, such as stereotyping and prejudice.

Oversimplifying history, however, can result in severely misinformed understandings and interpretations of historical events. Nowadays, there is a popular and unchallenged misconception that the Civil War occurred because slavery was practiced in the South, and that the determination to abolish such an immoral practice as slavery left the United States with no option other than a resort to arms. 

This is a view which cannot be rectified by many historical facts. The aftermath of the Civil War, specifically the Emancipation Proclamation, proved that slaves - though being an integral force that helped the Union win the Civil War - did not achieve their goal of total freedom and abolition of slavery. 

This suggests that the North did not fight to end slavery. In fact, the proclamation and Lincoln’s tactics in the war serve as evidence to reveal how the North used the idea of slavery to gain military support from the slaves, to prevent foreign intervention, and to change the focus of the war.

There is a popular but inaccurate notion that eliminating slavery was the North’s prime motivation to enter and fight the Civil War. Historians such as Allen Guelzo [1] and James Oakes [2] argued that Lincoln and the Union in general viewed slavery as a cruel, inhumane laboring system that needed to be eradicated. 

According to them, the North was no longer willing to tolerate slavery as being part of the fabric of US society and that Lincoln was planning to abolish slavery from the first day of his presidency. 

This is what we are all taught in school; and the idea is strongly entrenched today. Most of post-1965 texts define the motivation of Northern soldiers in the war to be emancipation and freeing of slaves, rather than the saving of the Union. 

According to Henry Bragdon, Samuel McCuthen, and Donald Ritchie (1992) [3], the Northern population could never justify the war by mere restoration of the Union; another text suggests that the Emancipation Proclamation "aroused a renewed spirit in the North" and strengthened the will to win the war (Downey and Metcalf 1997:375, 461-62) [4]. 

These historical criticisms and textbooks all share the same point of view: that the major goal of the North was not preserving Union but "the movement to free the slaves and an enduring commitment to racial justice" (Boyer, Todd, and Curtis 1995:379-80) [5]. 

More radical historians insist that “since slavery was the war's moral issue, Emancipation was the cement that only held the North together (Buggey et al. 1987:391) [6]. This understanding and interpretation oversimplifies a complex issue, and even cause some distortions of the truth. 

Historical record and evidence – some of them provided by distinguished historians such as Foner, McPherson, and Gallagher – revealed that slavery was only used as an instrument to ensure victory of the Union.Many historians argued that freeing slaves from cruel bondage was the sole purpose of Union soldiers; in reality, few Union soldiers professed to fight for racial equality. 

The majority of soldiers was either apathetic about the issue of slavery or oppose emancipation and the freeing of slaves. Even if there was an antislavery sentiment, it was not necessarily an abolitionist position resulting from humanitarian concerns for the slaves. Rather, it stemmed from the mindset that portrays the South as underdeveloped and barbaric compared to the North. 

In a letter to his to his wife from Tennesse in 1862, the colonel of the 53^rd Indiana unit described his belief and how backwards the South is:

“I am no abolitionist, but the more I see of slavery in all its enormity the more I am satisfied that it is a curse to our country…Outside the towns in the South the people are a century behind the free states.” [7] 

As Northern armies invaded the South, they hid fugitives in camps and prevent their masters from reclaiming them back [8]. Some historians identify this as an abolitionist movement. Nevertheless, these soldiers were more pragmatic than altruistic. They understood that every slave laborer who emancipated himself by coming into the Union lines weakened the Confederate war effort and strengthen the Union army. 

An indisputable proof for this counterargument was the way Union soldiers treated slaves. One lieutenant could not be more blunt in his letter when he said that “I don’t care a damn for the darkies…I have 11 negroes in my company now. They do every particle of the dirty work. Two women among them do the washing for the company.” [9] The soldiers viewed slaves as property and exploited slave’s labor, identical to what Confederates and slave owners did. 

This illustrate that Union soldiers were not genuinely concerned for the human rights and well-being of slaves.  Furthermore, many Union soldiers strongly opposed the idea of freeing the slaves. Numerous soldiers said that if Lincoln caved in to “these ‘black Republicans’” and made it “an abolition war… I for one shall be sorry that I ever lent a hand to it.” [10] 

Their resistance to any notion of turning a war for Union into a war against slavery has been one reason for Lincoln’s hesitancy to embrace emancipation. 

Lincoln addressed this issue of a divided Union in a letter to his friend Joshua Speed in 1855: “But you say that sooner than yield your legal right to the slave -- especially at the bidding of those who are not themselves interested, you would see the Union dissolved.” [11]  

Some Union soldiers feel betrayed because of the Emancipation Proclamation. This proves that they were willing to risk their lives for Union, but not for black freedom. Lieutenant colonel of the 3rd New York was enraged, stating that “I did not come out to fight for the nigger or abolition of Slavery…Lincoln ought to be lashed up to 4 big fat niggers & left to wander about with them the balance of his life” [12]. 

The Emancipation Proclamation intensified a morale crisis in Union armies during the winter of 1862-1863, especially in the Army of the Potomac, resulting in a sharp rise in Desertion rates. The cause of Union united Northern soldiers; the cause of emancipation divided them.

How could the Union have aimed to fight for racial equality when their leader, President Abraham Lincoln, did not believe in equal social and political rights between whites and blacks? The contemporary perception of Lincoln is a flawed and misinformed one, inconsistent with historical evidence.  

In a survey carried out by Knowledge Networks between July 13 and July 17,2001, approximately 1,000 American adults were asked the question:  "Suppose a nephew or niece about 12 years old had just heard some mention of Abraham Lincoln and asked you to explain what Abraham Lincoln had done. What would you say?” 

The results show that 66.3% of those adults mentioned Lincoln as “The Great Emancipator” – who fought to abolish slavery, who freed and gave slaves social and political rights – while only 14.2% of respondents have any mentions of Lincoln as the savior of the Union [13]. 

Clearly, the image of Lincoln as a man who abhorred slavery and racial discrimination is ingrained in the public’s opinion. Supporters of this view will be disillusioned had they known that eliminating slavery was the last thing on the president’s mind.  

On September 18, 1858, in his fourth debate with Stephen Douglas during the Illinois race for U.S. Senate, Lincoln was straightforward about his view: ““I will say then that I am not, nor ever have been, in favor of bringing about in any way the social and political equality of the white and black races,” [14] he began, going on to say that he opposed blacks having the right to vote, to serve on juries, to hold office and to intermarry with whites. 

Even as President, his belief did not change. “I have no I have no purpose, directly or indirectly, to interfere with the institution of slavery in the States where it exists. I believe I have no lawful right to do so, and I have no inclination to do so,” [15] the “Great Emancipator” declared in his Inauguration speech. 

Some historians are not convinced by these evidence, saying that Lincoln was compelled to tell the public statements that contradicts his true belief in order to win popular support. 

His letter to Horace Greeley in 1862, which reaffirms the President’s real motive behind the war, invalidates this interpretation:

“My paramount object in this struggle is to save the Union, and is not either to save or to destroy slavery. If I could save the Union without freeing any slave I would do it, and if I could save it by freeing all the slaves I would do it; and if I could save it by freeing some and leaving others alone I would also do that.” [16]

Contrary to popular belief, Lincoln was not an abolitionist; he was not concerned about slaves and the cruelty of slavery. Because he was the leader of the Union troops, the person who gives the army a common cause to fight the war, eradicating slavery could not have been the intention for the North to fight the Civil War.

The Emancipation Proclamation is one of the most misunderstood documents in American history; its purpose was not to free slaves, but to weaken the South while enforcing the North with black soldiers, to prohibit foreign intervention and to justify the war. 

Historians like Guelzo and Oakes refer to the Emancipation Proclamation as the most convincing evidence that conflict over slavery is at the heart of the Civil War, arguing that it freed a significant number of slaves. This is a confusion between the means and the ends.  

The reason that Emancipation Proclamation was issued did not involve slaves. Continuing lack of military success make emancipation necessary, since emancipated slaves might help meet the army’s growing manpower needs. 

Lincoln knew that the South was using enslaved people to aid the war effort, that black men and women were forced to build fortifications, work as blacksmiths, nurses, boatmen, and laundresses, and to work in factories, hospitals, and armories. 

The president was therefore forced to release the proclamation to stop this military aid and weaken the South.  Another similar legislature by Lincoln to punish the South was the First Confiscation Act on August 6, 1861. 

According to this act, fugitive slaves were declared to be "contraband of war" if their labor had been used to aid the Confederacy in any way; and if found to be contraband, they were declared free [17]. 

Indeed, the Emancipation Proclamation and the First Confiscation Act were devastating to the South’s army.  A Confederate general stated in 1862 that North Carolina was losing approximately a million dollars every week because of the fleeing slaves [18]. Slaves were merely manipulated as an instrument to ensure the North’s victory.

Emancipation Proclamation helped the North win the war and preserve the Union more than bettering the conditions of slaves. Lincoln’s action made the war no longer merely a contest between North and South; but a contest between human rights and human liberty on one side and eternal bondage on the other. 

After  Lincoln’s Proclamation “foreign nations will now have to come out flat-footed and take sides; they dare not go with the South for slavery, and consequently they will all be ranged on our side.”[19] Britain, along with other European countries that had abolished slavery, could not become diplomatically hypocritical and aid the South during the war. This morality switch in the purpose of the war also diminished the South soldiers’ fighting willpower. Confederates began to accept a defeat that would rid themselves of the moral burden of slavery. 

The Emancipation Proclamation made many white Southerner “even more uneasy about their isolation in a world in which the great powers of Europe, now joined by the US, sought to extirpate slavery.” [20] Unable to bear the weight of world moral disapproval, many Confederates abandoned their commitment to slavery – and with it a major reason to strive for an independent southern nation.  

On the other hand, the Emancipation Proclamation also enabled blacks to enlist in Northern armies. By the end of the war more than 186,000 black soldiers had joined the Union army; 93,000 from the Confederate states, 40,000 from the border slave states, and 53,000 from the free states. [21] 

The racism and discrimination was evident in the North’s army, however. Black soldiers therefore received $7 per month, plus a $3 clothing allowance, while white soldiers received $13 per month, plus $3.50 for clothes. “Are we soldiers, or are we laborers?” James Henry Gooding, a black soldier, wrote directly to President Lincoln. “We are fully armed and equipped, and have… done a soldier’s duty. Why can’t we have a soldier’s pay?” [22] 

Of course, it would be extremely biased to overlook the fact that Emancipation Proclamation freed slaves. Nonetheless, Lincoln did not free slaves with a stroke of his pen. The Proclamation applied almost exclusively to areas under Confederate control. Thus, it had no bearing on the nearly half a million slaves in the border slave states that had never seceded from the Union, or on more than three hundred thousand slaves in areas of the Confederacy occupied by Union soldiers and exempted by Lincoln from its coverage – the entire state of Tennessee and parts of Virginia and Louisiana. [23]

Therefore, putting over-emphasis on the Proclamation’s freeing of slaves rather than the advantages it provided for the Union is an incorrect and distorted interpretation of the abundant historical evidence. Emancipation was an afterthought, a last resort, a means, not an end.    

The North did not fight for racial justice nor freedom of slaves; they fought to preserve the Union. Now that the misconception has been dismantled, one cannot help but wonder why the oversimplified and inaccurate representation of the Civil War is so prevalent in public opinion. One possible explanation for this phenomenon is that abolishing slavery was an excuse for Americans, both common people and the authority, to justify this gory war. 

Contrary to popular belief, the war was unnecessary and was avoidable. If intense desires to end slavery of the North and to preserve slavery in the South were truly the central conflict of the war, Americans could probably have reconciled the conflict without shedding a drop of blood. 

The author of The Right and Wrong in Our Civil War suggests a very plausible theory that a sum of money equal to one fifth of the loss caused by the Civil War would be sufficient to pay their masters more than twice the average market value of every black man, woman and child [24]. 

However, the war ended with both the North and South devastated. Historians, textbook writers and educators – while striving to remain neutral and unbiased in their interpretation of the Civil War – made the war seem unavoidable, that it was an all glorious birth of true democracy, and that no one was to blame. 

Today, American youth simply boast about how big and brave their ancestors were. Too often, the moral element is ignored and the vital truth is unrecognized. Americans need to build up courage and view the Civil War under an earnest lens in order to see how unnecessary and unjustifiable the war was, and how befogged and gullible their mind were to think otherwise. 

[1] Allen C. Guelzo, Lincoln's Emancipation Proclamation: The End of Slavery in America (New York: Simon & Schuster, 2004)

[2] James Oakes, The Ruling Race: A History of American Slaveholders (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1982).

[3] Bragdon, Henry W., Samuel Proctor McCutchen, and Donald A. Ritchie. History of a Free Nation. New York: Glencoe/McGraw-Hill, 1998. Print. As appeared in History, Commemoration, and Belief: Abraham Lincoln in American Memory, 1945-2001 Barry Schwartz and Howard Schuman American Sociological Review Vol. 70, No. 2 (Apr., 2005) , pp. 183-203 . Published by: American Sociological Association

Stable URL: http://www.jstor.org/stable/4145367

[4] Downey, M.T.G. Jr. and E. D. Metcalf. 1997. United States History: In the Course of Human Events. St. Paul, MN: West Publishing.

[5] Boyer, Paul, Lewis P. Todd, and Merle Curti. 1995. TheAmerican Nation. Austin, TX: Holt, Rinehart, and Winston.

[6] Buggey, Joanne, Gerald A. Danzer, Charles L. Mitsakos, and Fredrick Risinger. 1987. America! America! Glenview, IL: Scott, Foresman and Company

[7] Walter Q. Gresham to Tillie Gresham, March 24, 1862, Gresham Papers, LC , as appeared in McPherson, James M. For cause & Comrades. Oxford, Newyork: Oxford University Press, 1997.

[8] McPherson, 118

[9] Charles Wills to family, April 16, 1862 in Army Life of an Illinois Soldier: Letters and Diary of the late Charles Wills (Washington,1906), 83,158

[10] Charles S. Wainwright, Diary, entries of Jan. 15 and May 29, 1862, HEH.

[11] Abraham Lincoln to Joshua Speed, August 24, 1855 as appeared in Lincoln, Abraham, and Roy P. Basler. The Collected Works of Abraham Lincoln. New Brunswick, NJ: Rutgers UP, 1953. Print.

[12] Henry P. Hubbell to Walter Hubbell, Jan. 26, Feb.7, 1863, Hubbell Papers, FLPU as appeared in McPherson, 125

[13] Survey of Knowledge Networks and Maryland, as appeared in Schwartz and Schuman, 189

[14] Pruitt, Sarah. "5 Things You May Not Know About Lincoln, Slavery and Emancipation."History.com. A&E Television Networks, 21 Sept. 2012. Web. 01 Mar. 2014.

[15] Abraham Lincoln's First Inaugural Address". Abraham Lincoln's Classroom. Retrieved 2010-04-12.

[16] Abraham Lincoln’s letter to Horace Greely, 1862, as appeared in Lincoln and Basler

[17] "Confiscation Acts." Encyclopaedia Britannica. Encyclopaedia Britannica Online Academic Edition. Encyclopædia Britannica Inc., 2014. Web. 02 Mar. 2014.

[18] Gallagher, Gary W. The Confederate War. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1997. 

[19] George W. Biedelman to father, Oct. 1, 1862, in The Civil War Letters of George Washington Beidelman, ed. Catherine H. Vanderslice (New York, 1978), 116

[20] Gallagher, 26

[21] Gallagher, 30

[22] Foner, Eric. Forever Free. Illustrated by Joshua Brown. Edited by Christine Doudna. N.p.: Afred A. Knoff - Borzoi Book, 2005, 55

[23] Foner, 57

[24] The Right and the Wrong in Our Civil War AN OLD SOLDIER and H. B. S. The Advocate of Peace (1894-1920)

Vol. 65, No. 9 (SEPTEMBER 1903) , pp. 160-164 Published by: World Affairs Institute Stable URL: http://www.jstor.org/stable/25752194

Su's Chapel Speech, Monday Dec 16, 2013

Good morning,

12-year-old me was playing tag with my friends in my middle school’s playground and I was “It”. I remembered the wind rushing against my face as I took big strides, running in circles to tag another person. 

The moment I found my target, I accelerated. My mouth was wide open as I tried to breathe and laugh at the same time. I was about 3 feet away from my target when I saw HIM standing in my way. In a fraction of a second, the following things happened: I tried to steer away from him, he put his leg out, his leg tripped me and I fell.

I face-planted to the ground and slid a few inches forward with my mouth still opened. My teeth scraped the hard cement that was heated by the scorching sun. The impact caused my right incisor to fracture, as you can see here (Points to tooth) and influenced how my teeth are arranged. Although the taste of blood and dirt overwhelmed my senses, I could still see his smirk in the corner of my eyes.

He was a bully. He bullied me because I “look fat and clumsy,” and that irritated his eyes. Yes, I was overweight back then. After tripping me, he walked away and pretended like nothing happened as teachers rushed in to help me stand up. 

Those who I called friends, the only ones who witnessed the whole thing, told the teachers that I fell on myself. They were scared that he would beat them up.

After that day I went on fasts. I asked my parents to eat meals in my room just so I can throw the food away. The scale kept slipping downward, the number shrank like my dying stomach. The measuring tape became reins and I became the horse of weight-obsession. It directed my life, told me where to go. That incident also put the lens of cynicism onto my eyes. 

Growing up, I had numerous acquaintances but no friends. I pushed away whoever tried to be close to me because I did not want to get hurt again. This cynicism has diminished a lot during my time at Pomfret, but I don’t think it will disappear anytime soon.

But it was not all negative. That bully taught me how to fend for myself, how to fight back or die trying. He was my first and last bully. He also motivated me to work hard, to improve and broaden my knowledge everyday so that no one can bully me physically or intellectually. I am sure that I would have given up several times without this motivation. 

Being a victim of bullying also made me strive to do everything I can to help people around me, because I understand how significant an impact one individual can have on another. Something as simple as a hello, a smile or “how has your day been” can do wonders. So, Pomfret, be conscious of everything you say, everything you do to others. Challenge yourself to reach out to those around you, even if you’re too busy minding your own life.

Some people will think it’s bad to have my life influenced too much by another person. But it’s hard not to. I am reminded of him every morning when I brush my teeth and every time I grin. My parents told me I should go to the dentist to get the fracture fixed, but I refused. I like to keep it as a reminder of the incident, so that I continue to work hard and not treat anyone badly. It’s like a battle scar, just cooler. I realize that the fractured tooth may chase girls away, but I don’t need those superficial girls anyways. Those who matter don’t care and those who care don’t matter.

I recently learned that the bully dropped out of high school and is currently in rehab. Sometimes I wonder, what will I do to him were we to meet? I thought about spitting on his face to get revenge. But then I thought, if I do that, I’ll be equal to him and I don’t want that. The years I spend working so hard, my education in America will be wasted, meaningless. I guess I will tell him: “Thank you, thank you for shaping me to who I am today.”

I will forgive but never forget.

Thank you for listening.

Potato - a short fiction writing by Su

The morning breeze combed my fuzzy hair, playing with any strands it could find. The frigid sensation freezes my brain as I felt as if many insects made of ice are crawling on my head. This eases the scorching earth under my feet and made blurry the image of my messy office – with men wearing nice long sleeved shirts and colorful ties, cannot wait to be their sloppy self again. 

In the distance, the electrical poles stand still and firm as I remember, like guardians protecting the village.  I took a breath and filled my lungs with the ripening aroma of the paddy field, although now and then the sharp smell of fertilizer spices it up a little bit.

Is this a hallucination? The village in my memory is drastically contrasted to what in front of my eyes now. And it seems to be inviting me back into its arms.

I know this place too well to be fooled again.

Every day in my childhood I learned many new things, and this includes realizing how poor my village was. I’ve never tasted the excitement before meals as a kid, since I always knew what we were having: potato.  

Hard boiled potato, fried potato, mashed potato, potato soup, you name it. Sometimes we would have some paper-like slice of meat and some broccoli but potato is what always on the table. For the past years I tried to cook and eat many different dishes but could not get rid of the starchy, bland taste that has been glued onto my taste buds, seasoned with the saltiness of my tears.

“Janet! Eat your food and stop crying. You are such an ungrateful brat! Don’t forget that Charlie’s house has much less than us and he has to go to bed at eight so he does not feel hungry.”

Charlie is my neighbor two doors away. He does not talk much and always sit in the corner while we were playing hide and seek. He always wears the same yellow dirty shirt and rarely take a shower, so it is hard to come near and comfort him. However, my mom had no idea that I am exactly the same as Charlie. After two or three days, I would fed up with potato and throw the food away to regain my appetite, but mostly to prove that mom is wrong.

Besides, what does mom know? She has only one duty: cooking for the family. Well two, if you count gossiping with the other moms as a tedious job. 

The one I was always worried about was dad. He works in a gold mine from 5:00 AM to midnight. I tried to stay awake and wait for him on any day I could, with a glass of water ready. He would come back with ashes covering his face like the soldiers in World War I. 

As soon as I saw his shadow, I would run towards him and he would hug me, leaving some traces of dust and ash that I never clean before sleeping. He always tried to move his mouth into a curl and give me a smile. On some days, however, I would hug a zombie dad.

I wanted to tell him that he should change his job to be happier and have time for me, but soon realized that it was the one and only thing he could do to keep our family running. 

There are no factories in the village, and the farmers have far more bad harvests than good ones. If someone asked me why I did not tell my parents to move to the city, I would say: “Oh we have never thought about this! Now let me tell my mom and dad to get their wings ready,” and they would slip away.

Saying that I dislike the village is a euphemism, I abhorred it. It was like a prison, a bottomless hole in which the unfortunate people who once fell down may never see the light again. My everyday life was a frustration. Realizing how poor we were did not make me feel humiliated much. 

On the contrary, it acts like a big pile of hay covered in oil, fueling my determination to make a big leap out of this hell on earth. I am one of the few people to have become a “white-collar”, and all the ones that called me nerdy, geek or dork ended up like my parents or in addiction treating camps.

But right now, that loath is the weakest emotion. I only picture mom’s stunned face when she saw me home. Of course we would cry, but then mom would forget and let her potatoes get burned (a thing that she never tolerate), compliment on my white dress and sit down and talk with me for hours. We would both wait for dad to come home when the clock strikes twelve. And we would…we would… oh there are tons of things that we can do!

Another breeze come and fondles my face. I take a deep breath and ran to the brown house with the leaf rooftop and no windows, feeling every step I go.

Green Cocaine - a short fiction writing by Su

I still remember that the bike was one “Martin 107”, metallic green and about 3 feet tall, it was my 9^th birthday present. As soon as I left my air-conditioned house, I immediately regret it. Saigon is a beautiful city, but in summer the heat comes. It seems to melt all the nice things down, leaving behind trash and dust.

I tried to cycle as fast as I can on the road, hoping that the wind could somehow ease the heat from the 95 degrees sun deep frying my brain. There was this video game that I have always wanted and that day was the day when I decided to spend my 2 month worth of saving money buying the game. 

When I was 10 minutes away from the store, I started to slow down to catch my breath while enjoying the scenery. Many people have started to fortify in their house, drinking iced beer and lemonade in cups reused from last night’s dinner. The ones that don’t have beers chew ice cubes instead. Hadn’t it been for the bulges of electrical wire – some of which are broken in half – dangling in the middle of the road, I could have ride my bike with my eyes closed. Oh, and there were also cracks on the road filled with dust made by the trucks from the night before. They hurt my butt every ten seconds or so.

A chattering pierced the heat waves. The honking from lines of motorbikes, the sound of people yelling and noise of dogs barking… all are jumbled together. Even now I wondered how I notice that distant chattering and I turned my head around. Just some noisy older kids riding on two bicycles. “Those poor ones, ignored by their parents, always fail school, make stupid jokes and laugh about stupid stuff” I thought and continued going. Only one more left turn and …“Hey, brat, what school do you go to?” A smoky, low voice sounded to my left.

Not again! Somehow the teenage group caught up with me. I didn’t look at them, I hate to see twig-like arms and legs; they are creepy. From the corner of my eyes, I saw four guys on two brown, rusty bicycles, so rusty that they creak every time they peddle. By the creaking sound, I realized that they are still parallel with me and figured that they are persistent with this stupid joke.

“High school for the Talented!” I said, keeping my eyes on the road. My dad told me that the more you converse with them, the more you go down to their level.

“Ha! Knew it! My younger brother said he was beaten by a guy from that school, now he’s lying immobile at home with a swollen face and purple eye. We have to check. If you are that guy, we are going to change your face so much that your mom’s not gonna recognize you.” It’s that same voice again but with much more anger, then 3 other voices agreeing with the first and swearing at me.

A moment of confusion. I could feel my brain sizzling. Then I tried to peddle as fast as I could. My shaky legs missed the pedal once, twice, and that was more than they needed. One of the two bicycles went ahead of me and blocked my way, the other gets closer to me but still parallel, forcing me to choose between falling or going into a small alley.

Next things I know I was crying. Tears blurred my vision. My eyes feel so hot that I thought they burned. I didn’t how they looked like, except that they were much taller than me, and that their clothes have holes on it and smell of rotten banana.  I continued to hear words yelling at me, words that will break down the soft-hearted and outrage the aggressive. I was one of those soft-hearted ones, but I kept clinching on my bike. They wanted me to go with them to their house and identify myself with their “brother.” I refused. I knew better.

Even now I can still recall and avoid that place, what I call “The alley of no hope.” You might think that alleys are scary only at night. If so, then imagine yourself standing in one in midday. You can see perfectly everyone on the road, but they were all minding their business and the last thing they want is trouble with some street teens. You can run or yell for help, but good luck finding anyone. These guys wouldn’t let go of the prey so easily, not when they are this close to the prize. They are the type that would strangle you if you call for help, and stab you in the back if you run.

At that moment, I was recalling having read articles about similar cases like this. I was feeling regret for having thought that the victims are not smart enough to escape. The thought of becoming one of them had never occurred in my mind.

“You want to mug me of my bike, don’t you?” I said while still crying. It took me a while to complete the sentence since I was hiccupping, filling my lungs choking humid air with every gasps.  My body drenched in sweat and my T-shirt full of snot. The effect was clear. I saw the slight mix of surprise and fear on their face.

They expected me to believe in that story of the immobile brother. “This is great,” I thought, “maybe there is a way out of this without losing my bike after all.” Their change in expression was enough to give me hope.

Then the oldest of them pulled out a knife from his leather bag. It was over. They left, with my bike and hysterical laughter, and I wished a car would run over them all.

I did not go out of my house for a week. I got nightmares several days after the incident and claustrophobia for a while. The alley, the rotten smell, the ignorant look of people passed by haunted me. My parents smiled to me and hugged me tight when I came back home that day. Although I kept explaining to them that I was not hurt, sorrow was apparent on their face as they shed tears. I was confused and thought that they were just too scared of losing their only son. They said that they didn’t care about the bike and I believed them.

They said it only cost a fifth of their salary.

But that was before I experienced how it feels to lose a fifth of my salary. 

Emily - a short fiction writing by Su

“I’m really sorry,” the man says.

Sitting opposite to him is a couple, Tim and Jane, with morbid facial expressions. Jane is using a purple handkerchief to clean her eyes, while her husband looks like he will murder whoever dares to speak to him.

The man trembles as he looks at the couple. His mind drifts back two days.

…

He recalls someone splashing water frantically. He was on the shore and recognized the pink bracelet. Without thinking, he jumped into the water. It fought back with icy slaps on his mouth, nostrils and ears. As the waves punched him, the saltiness poked his eyes and blurred his mind. He could sense his muscles protesting with every stroke of his arms, reminding him that he had come back from the hospital just four days ago. 

After what seemed like eternity, he saw the golden locks of hair that reflected the midday’s sun. Half of her face was under water. He reached to the child, pulled her by her tiny fingers into his chest. It felt like he was pulling an inanimate piece of log. A closer look showed that the girl’s face was reddened and covered with snot(tears).

“Emily! Where is Chloe?! Emily, are you ok? Where did Chloe go? Was she with you?”

The girl was choking water incessantly, only stopping briefly to gasp for air or crying her parents’ name.

“Emily, Answer me!” He roared. The saltiness came back on his tongue again, this time it was not sea water.

Her red eyes met his and there was a mix of fear and guilt. Her lips parted as she uttered sounds while shivering: “Uncle! Help! Please!”

A wave, white with foam, tried to devour them. He made a quick dive. Nothing was there but the still, endless sand blanket and a couple of seashells. His head hurt and something blocked his throat, forcing him to go up again. He started scanning the surface. Every sight of empty water killed him a little bit inside.

Seeing his daughter Chloe made his heart started pumping blood again. She was about 15 feet away from Emily, being drifted further away. Her pink headband and flower-patterned swimsuit bobbed up and down in distress.

“Dad!” Chloe shouted. Her arms were pushing down water and her legs kicking, but in a little more controlled motion than Emily’s, thanks to the mediocre swimming lessons she had taken. She tried to lie flat on the water, facing the sky and then float the rest of her body, but every time a wave would come and hammer her down.

The man carried Emily – who was still crying – on his back, her hands wrapping around his neck, and prepared to swim to his daughter. He even forgot to be mad at Chloe, although he knew it was her who disobeyed him and dared Emily to go to this dangerous part of the sea. 

As he kicked the water, a sharp pain stunned his legs. It felt like his skin was ripping apart and was not part of his body anymore. The after-effect of the surgery started kicking in. He could not take both of them back to the shore.

“Dad, help me!” The shrill voice was drowned by the rumble of angry sea.

He cursed god for giving him the car accident. It made his family, especially Chloe, sacrifice their weekend to take care of him. Now he wanted to pay the debt by taking Chloe and her niece Emily for a trip to the seaside.

Another wave hit them, this time whiter, higher and stronger.

The sun was beautiful that day.

…

The scene of Chloe starting to drown keeps replaying in his mind.

“Please… Tell…us what…happened.” Jane’s shaky voice, disrupted by hiccups and tears, brings him back to reality.

“I’m so sorry. I saw Chloe first, but could not find her anywhere. When people found her it was too late. Emily had swallowed too much water.” The man said while looking at his feet and the floor. 

His lips and eyes were drooping, the wrinkles on his face stiffened. Next to him, Chloe looked down too, sobbing. Jane burst into tears, and Tim was not in the mood to comfort her.

Năm mới 2013

Cả nhà chẳng ai quan tâm đến việc đón chào năm mới 2013 khi bà Nội ốm nặng và Bố cũng vừa qua một đợt sốt nặng tuần trước đó. 

Lần đầu tiên một thành viên trong gia đình trải qua một cuộc đại phẫu và phải nằm bệnh viện lâu đến thế.

Bà nội nhập viện ngày 2/1/2013 và về nhà hôm 25/1/2013 - cầu mong bà chóng khỏe lại.

Su sẽ về vào dịp Spring Vaction từ 7/3 đến 24/3.

Bà Mục và cô Loan sẽ về từ 17/5 đến 31/5.

Nhà hy vọng sẽ hoàn thành vào tháng 6.

Năm 2013 hứa hẹn nhiều sự kiện, hy vọng khởi đầu bằng những thử thách ác liệt nhưng rồi sẽ lại là một năm an vui và tốt đẹp cho mọi người trong gia đình.

Xây nhà mới - Update 26/12/2012

Mặt bằng nhà sau hơn một tháng phơi nắng sương chờ thiết kế và xin giấy phép xây dựng, bắt đầu động thổ vào ngày 10/12/2012.

Nhà thầu đem xe đến đào móng ngay tức thì.

Hai hố móng chớp nhoáng xuất hiện ngay sau chỉ một ngày.

Trục trặc bất ngờ xảy ra. Nhà thầu tự nguyện rút lui vì không nghiên cứu kỹ yêu cầu thi công ngay từ đầu. Đồng thời Phòng Xây dựng quận bất ngờ thông báo yêu cầu khoảng lùi bắt buộc theo quy định của Nghị định 64 bắt đầu có hiệu lực từ 20/10/2012. Triển khai ngay phương án dự phòng. Nhà thầu mới bắt tay ngay vào việc. Vật liệu bắt đầu tập kết từ ngày 17/12/2012. Lán trại mới được chuẩn bị.

Công trình coi như chính thức khởi công ngày 18/12/2012, bắt đầu từ việc thi công móng số 6, sát chân tường sau. 

Công nhân đang làm khung cốt thép của móng băng. Móng này chỉ có một nửa bên trong khuôn viên nhà.

Xong khung thép là đổ beton ngay. Rất nhanh, chỉ trong ngày 18/12 coi như móng số 6 đã hoàn thành. Hình móng phía bên trái.

Hình móng phía bên phải.

Xây tường chắn bên trên mắt móng vừa làm xong để ngăn ngừa sụt lở nền nhà của nhà sát bên.

Hình góc nhà bên phải với móng và tường bao.

Trong khi đó khung cốt thép của móng số 5 đã được làm sẵn bên trên.

Không chậm trễ một ngày nào, khung thép của móng số 5 được đặt vào hố móng mới đào xong.

Đầu bên trái của móng số 5

Kiểm tra và gia cố thêm khung thép trước khi đổ beton. 

Đóng cốp pha khung móng số 5

Đổ beton móng số 5 trực tiếp từ máy trộn - 9:30AM ngày 22/12

 Móng số 5 sau khi đổ beton - 4:45PM ngày 22/12/2012

Móng số 5 bên phải; nước từ bên nhà số 3 NHT chảy tràn vào hố móng ngập hai bên chân móng.

Ngày 24/12 tiếp tục đào móng số 4, đất thịt chắc và khô

Dù dễ đào, hố móng 4 mất hết cả ngày 24/12

Chuẩn bị khung thép cho móng số 4 sáng ngày 25/12

Trong khi đó những công nhân khác xây tường bao trên các giằng móng đúc trong ngày 23/12

 Tường bao xây xong hoàn chỉnh

 Chiều 25/12 đã đổ xong beton móng số 4; công nhân đang chuẩn bị đổ nối cột hai bên

 Sáng 26/12 móng số 4 hoàn thành, công nhân bắt đầu lấp đất chuẩn bị mặt bằng cho các công việc tiếp theo

  

Xây nhà mới - Update 8/12/2012

Kết thúc phần thiết kế kiến trúc và kết cấu. Đã quyết định nhà thầu thi công phần thô. Chuẩn bị khởi công chính thức.
Hình vẽ mặt tiền nhà mới:

Hình vẽ nội thất tầng trệt: Phòng khách và Bếp

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