Good morning,
12-year-old me was playing tag with my friends in my middle school’s playground and I was “It”. I remembered the wind rushing against my face as I took big strides, running in circles to tag another person.
The moment I found my target, I accelerated. My mouth was wide open as I tried to breathe and laugh at the same time. I was about 3 feet away from my target when I saw HIM standing in my way. In a fraction of a second, the following things happened: I tried to steer away from him, he put his leg out, his leg tripped me and I fell.
I face-planted to the ground and slid a few inches forward with my mouth still opened. My teeth scraped the hard cement that was heated by the scorching sun. The impact caused my right incisor to fracture, as you can see here (Points to tooth) and influenced how my teeth are arranged. Although the taste of blood and dirt overwhelmed my senses, I could still see his smirk in the corner of my eyes.
He was a bully. He bullied me because I “look fat and clumsy,” and that irritated his eyes. Yes, I was overweight back then. After tripping me, he walked away and pretended like nothing happened as teachers rushed in to help me stand up.
Those who I called friends, the only ones who witnessed the whole thing, told the teachers that I fell on myself. They were scared that he would beat them up.
After that day I went on fasts. I asked my parents to eat meals in my room just so I can throw the food away. The scale kept slipping downward, the number shrank like my dying stomach. The measuring tape became reins and I became the horse of weight-obsession. It directed my life, told me where to go. That incident also put the lens of cynicism onto my eyes.
Growing up, I had numerous acquaintances but no friends. I pushed away whoever tried to be close to me because I did not want to get hurt again. This cynicism has diminished a lot during my time at Pomfret, but I don’t think it will disappear anytime soon.
But it was not all negative. That bully taught me how to fend for myself, how to fight back or die trying. He was my first and last bully. He also motivated me to work hard, to improve and broaden my knowledge everyday so that no one can bully me physically or intellectually. I am sure that I would have given up several times without this motivation.
Being a victim of bullying also made me strive to do everything I can to help people around me, because I understand how significant an impact one individual can have on another. Something as simple as a hello, a smile or “how has your day been” can do wonders. So, Pomfret, be conscious of everything you say, everything you do to others. Challenge yourself to reach out to those around you, even if you’re too busy minding your own life.
Some people will think it’s bad to have my life influenced too much by another person. But it’s hard not to. I am reminded of him every morning when I brush my teeth and every time I grin. My parents told me I should go to the dentist to get the fracture fixed, but I refused. I like to keep it as a reminder of the incident, so that I continue to work hard and not treat anyone badly. It’s like a battle scar, just cooler. I realize that the fractured tooth may chase girls away, but I don’t need those superficial girls anyways. Those who matter don’t care and those who care don’t matter.
I recently learned that the bully dropped out of high school and is currently in rehab. Sometimes I wonder, what will I do to him were we to meet? I thought about spitting on his face to get revenge. But then I thought, if I do that, I’ll be equal to him and I don’t want that. The years I spend working so hard, my education in America will be wasted, meaningless. I guess I will tell him: “Thank you, thank you for shaping me to who I am today.”
I will forgive but never forget.
Thank you for listening.
